I bought one of these today......and I LOVE IT!!! Now...I just need to find a boy to lay in it with me...... ; )
It's just TOO comfy to do it alone......hehe.
This is SERIOUSLY one of the funniest commercials I've seen in a long time...
I want that bunny...... ROFL
My dad found this picture when he was going through some things last week....
Yea...that's me....aren't I adorable? XD Haha
Hokay...so....'dis is dee eerth...just kidding. But really...I'm FINALLY back at school. Have been since Saturday; things are going pretty well so far. I'm taking 14.5 credits=8 classes this semester...which seems like a lot to some people; but it's typical for a music major. Most of the time I have 12 classesm=18 credits...but I'm running out of classes...finally. But I've started my Methods courses now. For those of you who don't know...they're like teaching methodology courses; teaching me how to teach the specific methods in music education (Orff, Kodaly, Dalcroze, etc.). Anyway, I have a year of that and then my student teaching.
These Methods though are going to be the death of me. I was expecting a lot of work because I knew it was coming from having friends go through it. But I honestly wasn't expecting so much on the FIRST DAY! Seriously...I had about 3 20-30 pg chapters to read, a song to prepare to teach, research, and a cover letter draft all assigned the first day; this was Tuesday. Everything is due tomorrow...Thursday. Blech.
Anyway, I also got a job...finally. I was hired along with my friend A. We're the new host/hostess of Longhorn Steakhouse in Exton. We had our first day of work/training tonight. I actually enjoyed myself and I'm excited to get started and finish my training. Mostly because it's a tipped position and I'll come home with $$ every night. Which is MUCH different than my summer....in which I had NO income. XD
LOL....and I got a boy's number today....
Okay...it was just for a group project for one of my classes......but I still got it didn't I? Even though he's one of the straight-looking, frat-type guys that I could buy a dime a dozen...it should still count shouldn't it? Hehe.
Anyway...8am Methods tomorrow...not fun...but...kinda fun at the same time....? I know I'm a music nerd...but trust me...we're all this way. And yes...most of us DO find opera exciting and invigorating.... : )
I just found this on AOL.com. So...SO sad that people still believe this. It's even more sad and particularly infuriating that this is coming from a church!!!
So...I've had some time to think about things lately. Yes...my life hasn't been...well, happy this summer. I've got all kinds of issues and there's nothing anyone's going to do about them. For awhile, I've been on the verge of serious depression. And I'm not saying that in the way that people usually do..."oh yea...I'm depressed." No...I mean serious medical, pill-popping depression. I've decided that before it gets that far, I need to do some real soul-searching.
Yes...my mother passed away three months ago of stage IV metastasic colon cancer. Yes...I miss her a lot. Yes...I'm not sure how life is supposed to be or feel without her. Yes...I feel like my family is falling apart at the seams, just as I predicted. BUT...I need to keep going. My mother would not have wanted me to sit idly by while life passes me by. She didn't raise me that way. So yes...I'm going to be sad...I'm going to grieve. And yes...it HAS been three months. But I shouldn't feel guilty about still grieving for her. She was my mother and this is MY grief. No one can tell me when to stop.
Yes...I am a gay man. Yes...most of my close friends and, obviously, Mindsayers know it. But NO...my family doesn't know. I don't know what their reactions will be. I can assume based upon what they've said in the past; but who can know for sure. NO...I can't tell them now. Not without risking everything. My home, my relationships with them, my financial stability. All that is too much for me to risk. In the end, yes, everything might turn out better than I imagine. But for now, I can't risk it. Some would say I'm delaying the inevitable...some would say I'm delaying it so I can mooch of my father a little longer. YES...all these things are true. But if you were single, longing for love, jobless, and penniless...wouldn't you?
NO...I do not have a job. Yes...I did apply to 6-7 places at school. Yes...I heard back from one that now, doesn't seem very likely. Yes...I am discouraged as to my prospects of ACTUALLY having money this year. But NO...I'm not going to sit by and be depressed about it. I can't. I have too much else to worry about. I'm starting school again soon and beginning my teacher training courses. All the work that comes along with them can't be ignored. I must be mentally and emotionally prepared.
Yes...this summer sucked royal ass. I've been responsible for my mother's business for a long time; starting many months even before she began her final downfall. But little did I realize that, the first week back from college, I'd be the sole guardian. I never thought that I'd have to close it by myself. Sure...my father signed the checks...but, who did the leg-work? Yea...that's right. As I count down the days to departure (11 exactly), I think about how much I still have to do. But I also realize how far I've come. How much I've ACTUALLY done this summer. Hell...since I haven't had a job this summer, I even had time to re-do a room of the house by myself. However, it hasn't been until these last few weeks that my father has finally started to admit to me and other people how much he has relied on me this summer. What I don't understand is why it took him so long. After all the shit about him "maybe not paying my tuition" and "not having a lot of money" and "how are you going to buy that?".....he finally doesn't even question giving me a little money. Too bad that the summers over. It's also too bad that he forgot that I'm the only one with access to the business bank account....what?....don't look at me like that! I didn't do anything!
Funny how one of the suggested tags the Mindsay Gods are giving me is "turn back time." Oh if only. There's so many things that I would do differently. So many things that I would have told her. So many things I would have done for her. But...again...nothing can be done now. The past has been written.
Another issue I've had this summer...love. I've felt some feelings over the past 3 months for certain individuals (who shall remain nameless to save me...and the other two...a lot of grief). I've been trying to figure out...are these feelings simply directed upon these two because I've been trying to make-up for the love that I no longer receive from my mother? Do I still (did I?) actually have feelings for them? They both showed me compassion and kindness when I needed it most. One I've grown to know over time...the other I've known for only a short time. They both share the trait of distance, which provides an additional problem. Perhaps I'm leaving too many clues, so I'll stop there. The feelings, however, have decreased over time...but, to an extent, they ARE still there. And I can't, no, I refuse to deny that. One should not deny their feelings. Though these feelings will likely never turn into anything more than valued friendships, I can't deny the existence. My desire for love rose sharply in the weeks after my mother passed...and don't get me wrong, it's still there. But perhaps the feelings for these two were simply created by this desire...not by my heart. Perhaps in the death of my mother, I lost the distinction between the love of friends and the love between couples. Perhaps it is in grieving that we rebuild it all.
And now the Mindsay Gods tell me a tag should be "mother daughter time"....funny...I don't remember typing "daughter" anywhere.....hmm. But as Mimi and Roger sing about in "RENT"...we've all got baggage. But we're all looking for baggage that goes with our own. Funny how that all started with "La Boheme"....god I love Puccini.....
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? Oh, things are gonna happen naturally. I'm taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side and balancing the whole thing. But often times those words get tangled up in lines and the bright lights turn to night. And with the dawn it brings another day to sing about the magic that was you and me.
'Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of. And others just dreamed of. Others on read of the love that I love.
I'm all about them words, over numbers, unencumbered, numbered words. Hundreds of pages, pages, pages, forwards. More words than I have ever heard and I feel so alive.
'Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of. And others just read of. And if you could see me now. Not so little you and I, anymore. And with the silence brings a moral story more importantly evolving; is the glory of a boy.
'Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of. And others just read of. And if you could see me now that I'm almost finally out of....I'm free.
And it's okay if you had to go away. Just remember that the telephones work both ways. But if I never hear them ring; if nothing else I'll think the bells of time have finally found you someone else and that's okay...'cause I'll remember everything you sang.
'Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of. And others just read of. And if you could see me now that I'm almost finally out of words.
Although this blog has been very depressing lately...I have decided that there is something I love.....
FOAMY THE SQUIRELL!!!
If you don't know about him...there's something wrong.... http://www.illwillpress.com
I wish I could tell you everything; but still tell you everything you wanted to hear. But these flaming insecurities, these images of myself, keep me distant; too far from you. I'd like to show you what I can be for you. The stranger that warmly smiles at you in the street; the acquiantance that offers a ride to the mall. The friend that is worth a million laughs; the confidant with the best advice I've got. The date that gives you chills with the first kiss; the boyfriend that hold you till you fall asleep. And the lover that whispers in your ear and tells you how empty the world would be without you.
I can be all these things; one at a time or all at once. I can be nothing to you or I can be your everything. I want to tell you how I really feel; too scared for the response. I want to make it better for you; push the demons from attacking your heart. I wish I could show you all that I am, and not have you run at the sight. I wish you could know that I would sacrifice everything for you; just ask.
In the pursuit of quelching these insecurities; someday I hope you're able to see. I wish I could tell you everything.
loveI saw the worst...t-shirt....EVER today. It read "I have the dick...so I make all the rules." I was appalled. And it made me sick to my stomach to think that there REALLY ARE people that still think that way; and that this guy was pig-headed enough to actually BUY it. I was really pissed about it. BUT, being the respectable person I am...I restrained myself....
.....I still wanted to kick him in the jock though......
Okay, so to all of you who've been paying attention....yes, my updates on my "project" have slacked off for awhile. Truth be told, I HAVE been working on it....kinda. Here's the story...the external hard drive that I have, where I store ALL of my files, basically blew up awhile ago. Okay...it didn't REALLY blow up...it just stopped working. Anyway...so I need to get this $80 softward to recover my files....and...I don't have $80. : / So, I've got all my ideas ready for what's going to happen next, clear up through the end of the story. But I need the file before I can work on it.
Yes...in theory, I could just start a new file or write it out by hand....but, as any writer will tell you, I've got to do it MY way....I need that file or else I'll freak out trying to write any other way.
Sigh....so...until I can raise the $80 (or convince my dad to give it to me, lol) there won't be updates for awhile. However...I WILL finish it....and rest assured...there's more drama and more steaminess comin' your way! ; )
So...I'm really surprised that my father and brothers haven't figured out yet that I'm not straight. I haven't told them...but all the clues are there. Seriously...example...I went with my Dad today to help buy a new stove for the kitchen. He was there talking about installation....whereas, I was there telling him which would be the best to match the refridgerator/flooring/walls, etc.
If it's not clue enough that I'm the only male in my family with a sense of fashion/design/color, etc......without telling them (which isn't likely), I don't know what else to say. Maybe they're just being the ignorant WASP's they are...... : )
WOW...it's been a long time since I've had chinese take-out. Brings back memories of college life....especially nights spent with friends watching Desperate Housewives. ; )
I miss those moments...I miss school....
And this hella good chicken lo mein makes me miss P.F. Chang's SO much more.... : )
I went running again today. But, it wasn't till after I got home that I came to the grim realization....
It's gonna take a lot more than that to make me look any semblance of attractive to anyone...
SIGH....and life keeps passing me by..... : /
You sounded so good on the phone, I moved up and all moved on. Me and gravity, we never could agree. I could almost see the sky, when I need to close my eyes. You're the only thing worth holding on to.
Angel, you sing about beautiful things; and all I want to do is believe. I traded my dreams for this mass of memories; and they just stopped working for me.
I'm not a monster, I believe, like a liar would believe. Helps me navigate the wooden smiles, the raging sea. All my heros pull their heads, like a fighter. Would I guess? No one really likes getting older...
Angel, yo using about beautiful things; and all I want to do is believe. I traded my dreams for this mass of memories; and they just stopped working for me.
So, the Eat 'n' Park smiley cookie is celebrating it's birthday. Ironically enough, I was there with A last night. We got 2 free cookies each. Yeah.....the waitress was amazing and we TOTALLY tipped her more than we needed to. But I digress....so, I ate one last night...the other for lunch today (yes...JUST that cookie....haha)
And I couldn't help but think to myself about what that cookie represents. The large, obnoxious-looking face staring up at me as I ate it.....made me think of my childhood. How, every smiley was filled with so much happiness. Memories of playing in the sunshine and cookies and milk. But now...what do I taste in this moment?
Artificial flavorings, excessive amounts of flour and butter, probably some kind of preservative...amongst WAY too much sugar. It's strange how things like that change. Part of me just wants to go back to the "smiles and sunshine" mentality. The other part reminds me that I'm an adult now. : /
I just wish it could feel more real....more loving.
I need to not be single...... : /
Short and sweet....
I'm no longer happy. Yes, you see me laugh; you see me smile. But it's all just part of the show. Underneath is an empty shell. That's all that's left. The happiness is replaced by this black void in my heart; the only remains of the love that has been ripped from my soul and heart.
Yes...happiness has abandoned me as so many other things and people have. This smile is only a memory of what used to be.
That is all.
So...this post is completely about the audacities involving my good friend...we call her A here.
To put it in the simplest terms...her parents are the most insane, biggoted, unloving, hypocritical, selfish, and naive people that I have EVER met. A is almost 21 years old and they are trying to tell her how to run her life...trying to tell her what she wants...trying to control her. They've even gone so far as to GROUND HER!! Who in their right mind GROUNDS a 21 year old???
So, as you've probably guessed by now, A is one of my closest friends. Her parents seem to think that her "independant thinking" is all MY fault. Sure...in a way, it is my fault. My family and I woke her up to the reality that the way her family does many things is not exactly....normal. But, I digress...because they think this is all my fault...they're trying to limit our time together. Initially saying that we could only hang out 2 times a week..then telling her that a person her age should be getting TWELVE hours of sleep...so she needs to be in early EVERY NIGHT. Early to them is about 8pm. To the rest of the world...that's just assinine. They're trying to pull us apart. And, as reluctant as I am to say it, in a sense they are winning. I've almost gotten to the point that I'm SO TIRED of fighting it. I have too many emotions right now as it is. I know that I can't give up on our friendship...but what else can I do? A seems to be sitting idly by and, for the most part, playing into their hands.
Also, in another series of events, A came to the point when she decided to tell her parents about a certain life-changing event. Well...we'll just say they're not handling it well. The first day, her father told her that he was "too disgusted to eat" to food that A prepared. Now...they think she's a slut and has done things that most of us wouldn't imagine doing unless we WANTED to have a slow and painful death. Now, they're trying to force her into "normalcy" because "college was the worst thing for her."
What kind of parent would hold back their child for their own selfish means? What kind of parent would want their daughter to become a nun....JUST so they would be ensured a place in heaven? What kind of parent would NOT love their child? Who could imagine a mother not wanting their daughter to succeed? A mother telling her daughter that she's not smart enough to make it?
They've trained her since the day she was born...now she's a paranoid, OCD, unconfident woman who is struggling with the fact that her parents won't let her grow up.
i'm really tired of typing subjects, to be honest..I'm so over subjects.
(no subject)